Hey you, you like forecasts. Here’s three stories sure to be in the news in the not-so-distant future.

The Lawyers Representing Trumps Lawyers have now ‘Lawyered Up’Classifieds

The turmoil in the Trump administration is palpable, visceral, and many other words I found using Microsoft Word’s synonyms. In their despair and ineptitude, Trump’s own lawyers have now ads running in the classifieds of many of the major fake news outlets and on Craiglist. Trump found his lawyers on Craigslist, and their lawyers found theirs on Craiglist. So it’s only fitting these ones return to the scene of the incompetence and find some “winners” to represent them.

Asked about the job positing, one of Trump’s lawyers’ lawyers was quoted as having pleaded, “The eighth. Or is it the sixth?”

A New Uber-Related Idiomatic Expression Trends Upword

The hackneyed expression, “It’s like Uber for [blank]” will no longer be used to describe half-witted mobile apps that still somehow earn millions in venture capital thanks to the technology bubble in which we live. Rather, the phrase will be used to describe the implementation / permutation of a sexist, misogynistic work culture that has long been festering in other industries. It’s like Uber for Academia. It’s like Uber for Wall Street. And so on.

The EPA Changes Its Slogan to Reflect the Times

Scott Pruitt is the antithesis of what the EPA stands for, but we’ve learned now that his ascendance to the head of the EPA was a sentencing rather than a nomination. This is his just desserts for all of the times Pruitt sued the EPA. To ward off future lawsuits, the EPA has sent a strong message with its new slogan: “Sue us enough times, we’ll make you run the place.”